Putting off “Finally Loving Yourself”, oh the irony!

I discovered FlyLady about 4 years ago, and I’m ashamed to say I STILL haven’t gotten my wings yet.

I did really good the first go around for about 2mo. I even rewarded myself for my first month of shiny sinks with a new bible.

Then my folks and brothers moved back in and well, let’s just say FLYing is near impossible with 4 extras (and all their belongings) sitting around the house.

I know, I know. All the more reason to FLY with FlyLady. Easy to say (and totally true), but extremely hard to do.

Things got so bad that I was actually planning to start FLYing again at a specific future date. No, this wasn’t procrastination per se (which, as a SHE I am very prone to do). It was more like I can’t wait until they move out, the first thing I’m going to do is can start back up with FlyLady!

When my folks did get their own place just over a year ago, I did join back up to the FlyLady’s mailing list.  I started out a little wonky, though. I didn’t practice the babysteps, even though I knew I should. Instead I decided my way would be just as good and just picked the pieces I liked and ignored the rest. I was really good at swishing-and-swiping every morning and I pulled off my very first Thanksgiving meal solo with her Holiday Cruising emails. I put together a Holiday Control Journal and a Home Maintenance Control Journal to go with the main Control Journal I had made years before (but hadn’t opened in almost as long!).

I’m sure you can guess what happened. It crumbled is what happened. Between being totally unrealistic and in some major denial over just how sick I was (and therefore what I was truly capable of doing) and trying to clip corners and skim over the boring bits, I got totally discouraged and burned out.

That was almost a year ago. I’m pretty sure when I started this blog (like 4 blog moves ago, how unsettled am I?) I mentioned FLYing in one of my first posts. That was pretty much the end of it.

I didn’t stop the emails, I just stopped reading (and doing) them.

To be fair, I do have to admit that there were quite a few days when I would not have been able to read and/or do even a portion of the tasks. There were plenty of other days, though, that I could have, but didn’t.

New year, new start and all that good jazz, right?

Sorta.

Thing is I really just determined (it is too a verb!) to quit the procrastinatin’ already and just get started again on the first of Jan. It wasn’t that it was the new year that made me decide/resolve to start over… I’d been thinking about it and “meaning to” for a good two months or so prior to that. Around Halloween I was feeling back to semi-human-enough again that I decided I needed to start over with the FLY system and that I needed to do it right this time.

I then proceeded to procrastinate quite nicely for the next two months.

All through the holidays I told myself, “I’ll just do the swish-and-swipe for this week because I just cleaned. I’ll get started with the rest next week.” Or  “The sink is the least of my worries right now, I just have too much to do. I don’t have the time to start FLYing again yet.”

I know! That makes absolutely no sense considering what the FLY system is and what it’s all about. Totally ridiculus, but there ya go.

Now I am feeling really stupid about it because now I’m really wishing I had just started over with babystep 1 back in Oct when I first started thinking about it. Why? Because now all those excuses I made to myself for the last 2mo have come back to bite me in the behind in the most ironic way. Now those excuses are no longer excuses they really are true now.

See, my sister-in-law is coming to town. In one week. Actually less than. She’ll be here Saturday. It’s the wee hours of Sunday morning, so less than a week. The house is (not surprisingly considering the lack of FLYing and the extremely recent holidays) a major disaster. I truly do not have the time to take one little babystep a day to get my house in order. It’s gotta be clean by Saturday morning. If I hold to the babysteps I will be at most up to shining my sink, laying my clothes out for the next day, 4min of clearing hotspots, and 5min of picking up one room.

Yeah. That’s TOTALLY not gonna cut it!

Plus, truth be told? I didn’t shine my sink until about 2hr ago, so really if I actually followed the babysteps properly? I’d only be up to shining my sink and two measly minutes of house-cleaning.

If I could go back and talk to myself 2mo ago I would say “HEY! GET UP OFF YOUR DUFF AND JUST DO IT ALREADY! If you start now you will have a wonderful surprise after the first of the year!” (The surprise being that when told SIL will be here in just 6 days, I could look around and say, “Oh! That’ll be nice. Guess I might better re-organize the bathroom drawers for her visit.” or some such trivial thing. I’d be able to say that because the house would, by-and-large, already BE clean and ready for visitors!)

FlyLady warns us that this will happen. I’ve heard it dozens of times. WHY oh WHY didn’t I pay attention?

The only consolation I have for myself is that Monday when our friends brought over our new fridge I did a real quick clean-up and was able to get most of the house ‘in order’. The kids just got through spending two nights with my brother. Those two things add up to the (albeit small) reassurance that it hasn’t been that long since the house was mostly ‘in order’ and so it won’t take too long or be too hard to get it back in that shape.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself. To tell myself anything else would be pure cruelty and that goes contrary to the whole Finally Loving Yourself system, now doesn’t it?

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