Archive for the 'just life' Category

Living the Bipolar Life

Two words- Tightrope Walking.

Tightrope walking about 100ft in the air (high enough to be scary and deadly, but not so high that you can’t see what is below you). Two dangerous areas underneath. To one side there is a pool of molten rock, beautiful but deadly. To the other a pit of snakes, some poisonous some not, all feeling threatened and ready to strike. The dangers meet in the middle directly beneath the thin cord you are struggling to balance on. A breeze comes. A welcome relief to some hikers watching the lava from a safe distance, but potential death for you as it sets the cord to swaying. Now any movement at all and the swaying is intensified. You hold your breath, hoping that the cord will settle down before the sneeze that is building in response to the pollens blown in comes to fruition. You might be able to compensate for the sneeze when it comes if you know exactly where the cord is and what it is doing beforehand. With it already in motion, though, it’s too hard to predict.

This is what living the bipolar life feels like.

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Bipolar Illusion

We tell ourselves everything and everyone is going to be ok. Sometimes it’s not.

Everything looks ok on the surface, but a swirling mass of dangerous emotions lies just beneath, waiting for us to take one teeny-tiny misstep. To loosen our tenuous grip on mental wellness just a little bit by trying to take a breath and rest from the excruciatingly difficult task of maintaining the illusion of normalcy in our lives. Sometimes that misstep can be recovered from and we can move on… shaken, bruised, perhaps even scarred, but ready to keep moving. Occasionally, though, the illusion gives way to reality and the tricks and trap-doors we use to get us through to live another day disintegrate.

You will be missed, Robin Williams.

The unpacking is now well under way.

Long story, which will come just as soon as the pics are ready, but I’m adding a post to the blog to keep it from disappearing entirely from lack of use. I REALLY should have been updating as we went along, the last year has definitely been post-worthy, but I found myself so mentally and physically busy (and exhausted!) I just didn’t get it done.

General update since last year

I just went back and realized that the last time I wrote a post in 2012 was towards the beginning of the year. That means there is a LOT that didn’t get mentioned on here. Probably the biggest being Dad’s trip home to Heaven in July. Shortly thereafter Bro4 moved his girlfriend and her 3 kids in and they are all staying with Mom and Bro5 now. Also my best friend moved about 30min away, so my commute for work is longer now. lol Naturally there are all kinds of stories attached to these bits of news, and I very well might write some of them down at some point, but for now I just wanted to get the quick highlights down. =)

Now off to take a nap with that icepack on my head!!

In like a lion, out like a lamb….right?!?!

I know that is normally said of the month of March, but I am hoping it applies to years, as well. Since Christmas we have dealt with the following health-wise:

Meagan – mono

Matthew – bad asthma flare, requiring a round of steroids

Mike – sinus infection that spread to his lungs very quickly

Me – sinus infection

Matthew – sinus surgery

Matthew – flu

Me – flu

 

We haven’t had a single day in 2013 yet in which even half of us have been enjoying good health! I’m really hoping that means that by the end of the year we will all be doing super well! =) Meanwhile, I think I’ll go get the ice pack out of the freezer and take a nap with it on my head again. That was sooooo nice yesterday!

Moving the Caseys

Today is technically Monday (as it is after midnight), but it’s still Sunday night for me. Meagan has already gone to bed, but Matthew is still up. He’s supposed to be getting his meds… what he’s actually doing is up for debates. Friday morning he had sinus surgery. He was really nervous, but did good overall. He was up and back to normal by Friday night. Yesterday he went to the park and hung out with his friends.

I’m hoping the surgery will bring an end to the icky health month we’ve had as well as improve his sleep. Just after Christmas, Meagan came down with mono. About the same time, Mike and I both got a bad sinus infection, and Matthew’s asthma flared up too. I’m ready for some HEALTHY Caseys!!

This year – 2013 – my biggest goal is moving the Caseys. I’m determined that with the Lord’s help, we’ll be in a new-to-us house sooner rather than later. Mike is retired now, so it is my ‘work history’ that we will need to use to get a loan if we need one, so I’ll keep working with my best friend (at least the company is good!!) at least until we get moved. I just know that a new house will help us all health-wise. Just the change to central heat and air will do wonders for everyone’s breathing!! I can’t wait!

We live in perpetual chaos…that’s our normal.

So it’s Easter already! Wowsers!

Things are still out-of-whack here, but for new and different reasons. I think the only thing that stays the same for any length of time around here is the fact that things are ALWAYS changing! LOL

My kid brother, my first best friend (and my first enemy as well…haha) is officially an honest to goodness DADDY! =) My snowbuddy spent 30hrs in labor before they headed in to the hospital, where they went from being told they would be sent home if she didn’t progress in an hour as she was only dilated to a 2, to being told they would have a baby within the next few min via emergency c-section in literally 10min. My brother had gone downstairs to get her robe out of the car, came back in and found half the hospital staff (or so it seemed) surrounding the bed and the head doc panicking because little bit’s heart rate had dropped too low for too long.

As it turns out, little bit was being strangled with every contraction since the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. It also turns out, that little ‘bit’ is a little ‘bot’. His name is Blayne Owen and his last name starts with a T, making him B.O.T. He’s fine and so is my snowbuddy, thankfully! God was looking after them both last week, and now I have an adorable screacher of a nephew to spoil rotten while waiting to get pregnant again. LOL

Meanwhile… Mike is off work again. Going on 3wks now. This time for a reaction to the medication the docs put him on for his heart procedure back in Feb. He got horrible blisters covering the entire soles of his feet. Both his feet were twice the size of normal and he couldn’t stand to have anything touch the bottoms of his feet, let alone stand on them. The blisters are gone now, but the doc wants him off work till all the peeling has finished apparently. It’s ok. I like having him home. =)

We’ve also started a once a week trip into Dallas for Matthew to see a therapist. It’s not actually the guy I was wanting to get him in with, but this gal works very closely, in the same office, with him…and she costs half as much! Matthew actually really likes her. He looks forward to going and seeing her every week because she plays games with him and doesn’t make him feel like a specimen under a microscope.

I think his pdoc is going to work out ok, too. At least for now. We go in once a month, so we just had our 3rd visit. Saw the nurse practicioner again and she ok’ed our moving the Seroquel back to 200mg in the am and 300mg in the pm. Whew! I’m hoping by the time we go back, we’ll be in a much better place stability wise than we have been since the first visit! This last week was real rough compared to our ‘present normal’ (though NOTHING like a year ago, or even 6mo ago). It seems Matthew is not going to be able to handle missing even one dose of his lithium or getting his sleeping hours delayed by a few hours at all. It just throws his body so badly off-center it’s unreal! I am seriously going to have to keep a dose of his meds in my purse for those times when we end up out later than expected.

As you can imagine, all this excitement has left school hanging kinda in limbo. I’m staying relatively cool about that, but at the same time I want so badly to get school back up and running. I know Matthew still isn’t truly stable enough that he can handle an ‘ordinary’ school-day, but I’d like to see him doing at least a little reading or math each day. Meagan is just not currently motivated enough to pick things up on her own, but she would do the work if I actually gave her a specific list of what to do and then was available for answering questions. Mostly it’s been a case of I’ve been so distracted with other things (whether ER trips, dr appts, work, etc) that I haven’t sat down and mapped out her coursework, so she’s been coasting because of me.

I have gotten a fair amount of work done around the house, but still have a TON to do to get caught up from basically being gone all day every day for so long. Meagan was a huge help this week helping to get things actually accomplished. She cleaned and tidied the entire hall by herself. That probably doesn’t seem like a lot to most people, but our house is a very old one, and the hall is essentially 2 separate rooms right in the center of the house. Both the front hall and back hall contain numerous bookcases, and in the back hall there is also a dresser. All were overflowing with junk and stuff that needed to be put up. All the drawers were hanging out, stuff was piled on the floor in front of everything. Really it was a HUGE mess. One that extended right to the front door and literally made it hard to get in and out of the house. So REALLY, she helped a LOT by getting that massive chore tackled for me!

This is the month we have her unbirthday celebration, and as usual for the past few years, she is wanting to have a big sleepover party. If I actually can rely on her to help clean house properly, not just shove stuff in a closet or under a bed, (and it looks like I can), then I’m pretty sure we can do that this year and not even be ashamed of the house when the girls arrive! I told her tonight that we should schedule it for the weekend after next, so that we would have enough time to go shopping and get everything ready. My little planner is wanting to make pinatas for each girl to take home as part of their party favors, and that’s going to take at least a week in and of itself.

Once the house is in mostly clean condition (I know that no home with kids is ever perfectly clean for more than a nanosecond at a time), I have about a million and one projects to get started on or to complete. Since I started working I’ve had to put all the projects aside due to lack of time…and guilt over not having the housework done. That’s beginning to improve finally. Sure, right at this moment every room BUT the halls, looks like a tornado hit it, but really it’s mild compared to where it has been. The living room is covered in Easter eggs and candy, and the dining room justs needs its desks tidied. One of the kitchen counters was scrubbed down a couple of days ago and now just needs to be tidied back up from the last couple of meals. The laundry situation is lots better than it was a couple of months ago… in part because we’ve gotten rid of 4 trash bags full of clothing/linens. We still have a lot more to go through, too.┬áThe Christmas decorations are all put away in the pantry/storeroom which had a thorough going-through and cleaning done about 3-4wks ago, and the yard has had its first whack-job for the year. Its taken $80 to get it that way, but at least it’s done!

Tomorrow, in between church services, I am planning on getting this week’s school goal cards filled out and maybe some more laundry, too. Monday night, we’ll have our last Theology class of the semester and so this week I will need to fit in studying for the final, on top of everything else.

Never dull around here, that’s for sure!


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